A counselor was helping me deal with some relational hurt about 25 years ago and he asked, “What is one nugget of gold that is part of you today, that was a direct result of that relational pain?” That was a difficult question but as I put my mind to it, I actually discovered there were a lot of nuggets that were a direct result of that pain.
Boundaries are part of my life today that were not part of my life then.
My relational intelligence is greater today than it was when the hurt happened.
I gained insight into who I am that would have never come my way without that hurt.
And there were more, but I don’t want to give too much of myself away here. The result of identifying these nuggets is now when I think of the relational pain, my first response isn’t shame or regret or anger or bitterness. Are you ready? My first response is actually gratitude! Can you believe it? Because debt has been cancelled on a debt that can never be made right, I now have gratitude for the impact this pain had on my life.
Here is a second pathway for dealing with relational hurt caused by someone who has already had their funeral.